It was the death of my parents, my last parent, my Father, around 2000, which triggered depression & chronic anxiety & violent panic attacks which have terrorised and terrified my life.
I have been like a criminal caught in a spotlight with nowhere to run.
Abusive neighbours took advantage of me as a traumatised & vulnerable adult with verbal abuse & bullying.
I have been unable to leave the family home to find my own place.
I am subject to compulsive checking routines which take 2 hrs before I can leave the house in the morning.
I have been trapped in a nightmare with art as my only way out. Unable to paint at home, mental health drop-ins have been the only places where I can work and have done 200 paintings since '02 making a total of 400 which I have.
I long to get better, feel troubled inside which no-one can see- a constant state of illness which no-one can see by looking at me (with some improvements).
I have learned that people who are different or vulnerable are treated apallingly in Stoke on Trent.
It is only the mental health charities which have offered protection in a horrible climate.
They are a better class of person I have met there.
Recently watched the film "Pollock" about the great American expressionist artist who found a soul mate- a woman who believed in him as a great artist - and helped him to achieve critical success though he eventually found it hard to to cope with.
His wife Lee, herself an artist, apparently called him "Pollock" (his surname) - an endearing sort of story.
Jeffri
another world
heading down
acrylic on card 12" x 15"
7 comments:
hello jeffri,
may i firstly say that i have found your recent post extremely moving, your direct honesty is both brave and admirable.
i think that often the arts act as a useful outlet for many thoughts and feelings that we are otherwise unable to express.
i love looking at your work, and hope to have the pleasure at seeing many more pieces.
Take Care
purkul
x
Hi jeffri,
Tyhanks for your post, I too found it very moving. The openness and honesty of the people in this community is a source of continuous surprise.
I feel privileged to have seen your work and have some understanding of how doing something creative can nourish us and give us some sense of security and satisfaction. Keep doing your art - the world needs artists.
Here's to the future Jeffri - forward with hope and expectation.
Yours,
Emma.
Hi Jeffri,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings in such a open and honest way.
We all do the best we can do, with the resources we have, and you have found such a positive and creative outlet in your artwork.
Long may you continue to give and receive pleasure through your art, and now, you also have a voice to express anything you wish to say via mindbloggling....Best wishes D
Hi Jeffri-
Thank you for writing such an honest, transparent, thought-provoking blog.
I relate to much of what you have so eloquently written. Having been the victim myself of severe bullying; you have my sincerest empathy.
Upon reflection of those who have the audacity to torment the vulnerable; I look at it like this. Those that bully are masking their own insecurities. They see people who are perceived as 'different' as easy targets.
Jeffri, take comfort in the knowledge that you are better than that. You have the support of caring, decent people on the mindbloggling website. You can challenge a negative environment. You have the right to be happy and live in peace. Draw strength from this.
Your artwork is inspirational. I wish I had your talent Jeffri. Continue to use your talent as an expression of who you are. Stand proud and know that you are as valid as anybody else.
Jeffri to quote you: "I have been like a criminal caught in a spotlight with nowhere to run." The road of positive freedom is before you. Let's all take that journey together.
Thanks for a wonderful blog Jeffri.
Kind regards adanac67.
hi Jeffri
its nana here,
loseing someone who is very close to you is very dificult to deal with, you go throuh so many diferent emotions.
it takes so long to get over looseing someone who is so close to you,especially your mum or dad.
or in are case both parents,its been such a long time since both my parents passed over to the other side,but eventually i can promise you this Jeffri time does heel.anyway got to go nanna.
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