It was the death of my parents, my last parent, my Father, around 2000, which triggered depression & chronic anxiety & violent panic attacks which have terrorised and terrified my life.

I have been like a criminal caught in a spotlight with nowhere to run.

Abusive neighbours took advantage of me as a traumatised & vulnerable adult with verbal abuse & bullying.

I have been unable to leave the family home to find my own place.

I am subject to compulsive checking routines which take 2 hrs before I can leave the house in the morning.

I have been trapped in a nightmare with art as my only way out. Unable to paint at home, mental health drop-ins have been the only places where I can work and have done 200 paintings since '02 making a total of 400 which I have.

I long to get better, feel troubled inside which no-one can see- a constant state of illness which no-one can see by looking at me (with some improvements).

I have learned that people who are different or vulnerable are treated apallingly in Stoke on Trent.

It is only the mental health charities which have offered protection in a horrible climate.

They are a better class of person I have met there.

Recently watched the film "Pollock" about the great American expressionist artist who found a soul mate- a woman who believed in him as a great artist - and helped him to achieve critical success though he eventually found it hard to to cope with.

His wife Lee, herself an artist, apparently called him "Pollock" (his surname) - an endearing sort of story.


Jeffri

post three

faced with a blank screen i sometimes clam up my past is like weight to be thrown off so i can live in the present admire many people and artists patti smith van gogh jg ballard kurt vonnegut hendrix syd barratt suede we must move on with force.